Monday, March 3, 2014

Falling Apart and Into Place

Anyone else feel like today just snuck up on them? I know I've said that I don't mind Mondays, but I can't help but feel like this one came a little too quickly. But, what can you do? I haven't been feeling the best lately, and as a result my diet has kind of gone out the window. Not to mention I discovered this extremely yummy drink that I haven't had just enough of... yet. What started out as an innocent way to trick myself into thinking I was in paradise has become a favorite! Won't even apologize about it.

Now that you know of the less than admirable lifestyle choices I've been making lately (Give me ALL the carbs!), I'm looking at this Monday as a kind of renewal. I've been so discouraged lately reading all my blogs and seeing all these beautiful women that I've decided it's time for me to really start focusing on myself again. 

These past few weeks, I really got bogged down between schoolwork, the crazy weather we've been having, the fact that there's still snow on the ground and it's now MARCH... but I can't blame it all on the weather.

Truth be told, I'm the biggest wimp when I'm tired. And lately I've been feeling exhausted. I'm sure my lack of healthy eating and exercise has had a lot to do with it, but for some reason I wake up tired and by 3pm I'm just about ready for bed. It's been making me miserable.

It's no excuse. I've been bailing on friends, snapping at my parents, and have just been so down on myself lately. It makes me disappointed. I haven't been focusing enough on the "me time" that I cherish so dearly-- the time I take each day to just think and process and breathe. But it just feels like there is no time!

What worries me the most is that I know life just gets harder. I know that there's a whole other world waiting to eat you alive outside of the college bubble. So with that terrifying thought in my mind, I suppose it's time I get used to the idea of being exhausted. Missing out on life to sleep? That doesn't sound like a life at all! And it's the life I've been living for a little over a month now. Depressing, right?

Life's been throwing me a lot of lemons-- a lot of puny, annoying lemons. I've been cracking under the stress, mentally and physically. Those weeks or months when you just feel defeated? That was my February. But it's March, it's time to turn over a new leaf. Spring is (hopefully) on it's way and that means sunshine and warmer weather!

The Real Food for Thought

The thing is, when life gets hard, when every single odd in the world seems to be against you, you can't let it wreck you. I spend a lot of time being afraid of the world, of how easily it could destroy me. But fear is not what this life is meant to be about. This life is meant to be about dreams, hope, love, laughing with friends, enjoying family, and making time for what matters the most. The reality is I haven't been. I haven't yet learned how to just keep swimming when everything feels like it's falling apart.

And want to know what the other thing is? Looking back on the past month, my life isn't falling apart. Actually, all but one or two aspects of my life have rapidly started getting better and better. Isn't it funny that when everything is really going right you feel just as out of your mind as you do when everything is going wrong? Call me crazy, but maybe you have to learn to just keep swimming when everything-- your dreams, and your future-- are just at your fingertips.

Have a great Monday!

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