As you're reading this, I'm probably sitting in class, willing my professor to stop explaining every last bit of the syllabus and begging the clock to tick a little faster. Going back to classes after a month of not having any obligations is kind of a bummer... kind of a blessing too though. I was surprisingly productive last week, so I'm hoping it carries through into this week.
Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily hate school. Now that I've passed the obligatory classes (taking courses that don't pertain whatsoever to my major is just SO fun!), it's really not so bad. But, classes are at the top of my list of anxiety triggers, followed by change and failure. I suppose in my world they all kind of go together interchangeably.
So, confession time. I had a bit of a
meltdown anxiety attack yesterday when I realized that none of my professors had put up a syllabus and some of them hadn't even posted what textbooks we need. (Go you, college!) I'm not proud of it.
I tweeted the quote to the left on Saturday when I came across it on Pinterest. Nothing more true has ever been said, especially if you're me. I'm so good at making myself miserable if I want to be miserable (sounds awful, I know...), and I'm also immensely talented at being strong for myself and for others when I feel I need to be. It's a blessing and a curse, but the amount of work I put into either emotion is literally the same.
After my moments of panic and anxiety, I almost always come to the conclusion that the thing I was worrying about (in this case, school...) was really nothing worth fretting about. When I was texting my best friend about how distraught I was, the first thing she said was, "Em, you'll get the syllabus in your class tomorrow. Don't worry!" And then I realized just how silly I was being. So, I'm a little crazy. In my defense though, what twenty year old isn't?
The bottom line is, if I hadn't spent all that time yesterday worrying about what was going to happen today, I would have saved myself a lot of heartache. Focusing on the positive things in life is so hard sometimes; I've spent the past year working on it. While I've improved, sometimes those days are just inevitable. For every down there is an up though, and I have found that there are some pretty great ways to turn a bad day around. AND even better? There's a pin for that. (Yay!)
Each morning I've been trying to take a moment when I wake up to decide how my day is going to go. On Friday morning I was even able to convince myself that my day was going to start off with an 8:15 am spin class! And I'm telling you, that hour to myself made all the difference in what ended up being an extremely busy day. Even if it meant losing an hour of sleep.
I know this post is kind of all over the place, but truth be told it's because my mind has been all over the place lately... Which, if I'm being honest, has made focusing on being positive all the more difficult. I know I can't be the only one with what seems like a trillion things to think about; but what I do know is that taking a moment for yourself, even if that moment is thirty seconds to compliment a stranger on their adorable shoes, can make such a huge difference.
"Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you." ~Walt Whitman
January is a tough month, and full of so many expectations. We're nearly halfway through it already (scary, right?!), so don't let the winter blues get to you. Choose to be happy, choose to be productive, and choose to mold yourself into the best you you can be, every day. Choose to make good use of every day you're alive. I mean, when you look back on your life, do you want your memories to be of sitting on your couch or celebrating your hard-earned promotion over a glass of champagne with your best friends?
Happy Monday loves!
Make it a good one.