Saying No

The one thing I hate more than anything in this world is disappointing people. It absolutely destroys me when I let people down, so I obviously do my best not to. But there is a line that gets crossed when you forget how to say no for fear of disappointing those around you. Whether they be employers, friends, or family, sometimes you just have to say no. And I suck at it.

In late July/early August, I found myself saying yes to every opportunity that came my way. I didn't realize that in doing this I had also bitten off far, far, far (far) more than I could chew. When classes started, it became even more apparent that I was not only essentially losing my mind, but my work was suffering too. If anything, this summer has taught me that I by no means want my entire life to be work. It also taught me that by saying yes to so many things, I was basically sabotaging myself.

In the past week, I finished up an internship, I dropped two shifts at the gym I work at, and I spent two whole days worrying about nothing work or school-related whatsoever. I changed my days at my other internship to Mondays and Wednesdays so that I could have Fridays all clear. And last Friday I slept until 11. I made myself a healthy breakfast, watched some TV, did some serious Pinterest-ing, and then went to get my first manicure in months. There were a few moments here and there where I found myself worrying about this or that, what assignment was due, or whether or not I was going to get this project done for my internship. But for the first time in what felt like months I pushed those thoughts from my mind. I just couldn't afford them.

I was so busy all summer that my happiness was on the line. One minute I'd be on cloud nine and the next thinking the whole of the world was out to get me. I've been feeling so incredibly off balance lately that I forgot what just living was like. I realized that it was okay to take a day to do the things I enjoy doing. I baked an apple crisp, I drank some wine, I spent quality time with friends, and I did a whole lot of nothing. It was down-right amazing.

When I was younger, I never had a problem saying no to people. I think I saw growing up as a sort of end to that freedom. The freedom to say no. But if there was anything younger Emily had going for her it was that she always knew what was best for herself. And now I guess I'm just trying to get back to that. I don't have to do it all. I can say "no" to people. I can do what's best for me, unapologetically.

And that's 100% okay.

The Past 36 Hours

If there was a motto I've been abiding by for the past 36 hours it's this one:

That's actually all I can say about the past two days because they were, for lack of a better word, a shit-show. You know those weeks when everything is just going so bad/weird? But everything that happens isn't detrimental to your existence or long-term happiness? It's just when life is so random and awful and nuts at the same time that you seriously just have to laugh. 

Your recap, because sometimes my life can be slightly comical.

WARNING: Some of this information people would find inappropriate, but it's my blog and I'll be honest with y'all.

Things that happened when Emily and Paige left to go see Luke Bryan in New York Sunday morning.

Full disclosure here folks. You were warned.

We easily spent $200 between gas, food, beverages, parking, and coffee in the span of 12 hours. We're in college. We get stuck in traffic in literally the most tempting place on the planet. Outlets. The J. Crew outlet. The shoe sales. Sneak in a quick sing-a-long to "Ain't Nothin' 'Bout You" by Brooks & Dunn because duh. Get to the concert venue, spy cops. Just like that $30 worth of beverages is gone. Whatever, cops. Sit in car in wrong parking lot fuming about lost money and (eh, hem) beverages. The cops are gone! We're leaving and hitting the nearest gas station. Cops can't get us down! $20 later and a few white lies to the gatekeepers so we didn't have to pay for parking again and we're back in business! Let's find our friends and have fun! Can't find our friends. Decide to have fun anyways. I have to go to the bathroom. Phone is in back pocket. You see where this is going? Phone is in toilet. 

You needn't know the rest, but I am now using a great lil flip phone that the woman I work for gave me to use for the next week! Woo! Here comes the carpal tunnel. Still, I'm semi-connected to society so really, thank-freakin-goodness. 12 hours pass. Children I nanny consistently make fun of me for dropping my phone in a toilet. Roommates make fun of me for dropping my phone in a toilet. My old, previously undamaged iPhone is sitting pretty in a bag of rice.

I got back to my apartment last night and some stupidhead was parked in my parking space. #annoying And yes, I called for a tow. #sorrynotsorry #suckstosuck #atleastyouhaveacellphone Had to move my car back to my parking space once stupidhead's car was gone, and couldn't find my keys anywhere. Here's the kicker: they were in my car!!! Good.

I'm down a phone, about 17 notches of patience, and 30,000 units of sanity. The plus side? I'm up about three good stories and a s*** ton of laughing.

That's all I've got for you. Happy Tuesday.

One Little Memory

I think the hardest thing about growing up and moving on is most definitely leaving home. By the time kids are heading to college, most of them are, in fact, ready to leave home and start out on a new adventure. I was not one of those kids.

In all honesty, when I moved out of my house at the start of last month I was extremely nervous. I had lived away from home before, but in a dorm with a meal plan and heat/hot water that I didn't have to pay for. And even though I still go home multiple times a week, mostly due to the fact that I have become a pro food moocher-offer, sometimes I still get nostalgic thinking about my childhood home.

As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in my bedroom in my new place listening to one of the biggest storms of the summer roll out of town. When I was a kid I used to be terrified of thunder storms, now I find them calming (unless I'm driving in them, then not so much.) Whenever it rained my mom would always sit in her chair and read a book, or if my nana was up then you could always find her sitting in our living room, a book on her lap but her face turned toward the window, watching the raindrops fall. It's these kind of little memories that made leaving home hard.

 If I wasn't always there, would I miss them all?

Lose Sight of Shore

As you read this I'm on my way to Mexico with Taylor and Julie, two of my best friends from high school (and my new roomies!). Jealous? I'm so excited to finally be on vacation. We booked this trip kind of spur of the moment back in February or March and have been waiting for it ever since! Cancun, here we come!

Leaving America to head to Mexico hasn't exactly done wonders for my nerves. I am not the world's best traveler. It's a little better when I'm on trips alone or with friends. Anyone else feel like traveling with their whole family is extra stressful?? I love them, but I'm a significantly better solo traveler. (Sorry parentals.)

Last summer when my friend Kate and I went to Europe for two weeks, I found during the weeks leading up to our trip that I was just an anxiety-ridden mess. Granted, this was before I realized just how bad my anxiety was, but still. I was surprised to find that I've been feeling the same way since I got back from DC a few weeks ago.

Michelle Dwight Designs (100th Post!)

First thing first...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

This post marks my 100th post on Class and Sass! Thank you so much to ALL of my readers, new and old :) Your support means the world to me and I can't wait to see where this little blog goes! I've already learned so much and am having a blast doing what I love; C&S truly has been the best outlet for me. It's also opened up so many doors that I never would have even considered before, but the best part of it all is getting to interact with you!

A special shoutout to the ladies of the Her Campus Blogger Network for being a wonderful support system. I'm so glad to be a part of such an amazing community!

xo, Emily

Now, onto the post!

Cross the Lines You Drew

It's no surprise that there are multiple ways that people handle the truth. As I've gotten older, I've found it far more difficult to acknowledge the harder truths in life-- so much so that for a while, I got really good at pretending they didn't even exist. My family couldn't be touched by death, loss, disappointment, failure, and so on. I quickly found between my senior year of high school and the end of my freshman year of college that that was just not the case. I was extremely lucky, but my family wasn't untouchable.

It's been two and a half years since I really first realized that life was going to have major ups and downs, and yet I'm still just barely learning how I handle the ups and downs--especially the big, life-changing ones. Surprise, surprise! I'm not so good at it. If there is anything that triggers my anxiety like no other, it's change. Can you see how that's not so convenient when you're a 20 year old one year away from graduating college?

Sundays In Bed

Sorry for the little hiatus! The past week has been all sorts of overwhelming for one reason or another and the blog took a hit for it. Remember how when you were a kid summer meant freedom and playing outside all day and fun? Well now it means work, work, and more work. Got to make the money for when I move into my apartment (in just about a week now!!).

I've been slowly making my way through The Fault in Our Stars during my downtime, and last night when I was struggling with insomnia, I was up reading until 3pm. The book just turned extremely sad so take a moment today to be thankful for your health and happiness!

Let It Go

Surprise! This post is not actually about Frozen, so if you were rolling your eyes you can stop now. Monday I wrote about how I'm trying to make this year my year, but there's one specific thing I always find holds me back from recognizing just how lucky I am. I fret over such silly things. Really, I do. Over friends, over guys, my family, school, and so on and so forth. None of these things when taken in a general context should be considered silly, but the tiny, mediocre, little things that come with them? You could call a fair majority of them silly or dumb or whatever.

Truth be told, I'm pretty upset/annoyed/mad right now. I saw something on a certain social media site that made me upset, and in true Emily fashion, now I'm here... writing about it. I should have known I was a writer when all I'd do when I was mad as a kid (aside from scream) was go up to my room and jot down angry poems and/or not-so-impressive song lyrics about whoever had done me wrong this time around.

My Year, Your Year

I've been really trying to make 2014 a "me" year. The focus since January has been on bettering myself as a person, and it's kind of not the easiest process in the world. Recognizing where you fall short of spectacular can be discouraging (i.e. many of my friends are known to be far more compassionate than I'll ever be), but I've also learned a lot about my strengths (i.e. strong writing skills, unbelievably passionate about things I believe in, willing to speak my mind when appropriate). 

It's really hard to recognize the things we need to work on in order to make ourselves more well-rounded human beings. I want to believe I'm perfect as much as the next girl, but hey, nobody's perfect. In January I started a Pinterest board and ever so creatively titled it "My Year"; whenever I'm not feeling super inspired either by myself or my surroundings, I go and take a peek at it. Pinterest has been throwing out a lot of inspiration lately, and I highly encourage you to create your own "My Year" board! It doesn't have to be a board of just quotes, or even a Pinterest board, make it a dream board-- of anything you want and put it up in your room! Put all your goals on there and reflect upon them once a week. I can't tell you how tremendously helpful my board has been in keeping me on track!

Remembering Audrey

Audrey Hepburn has been one of my favorite actresses for a very long time. I didn't see Breakfast at Tiffany's until my junior year of high school, and ever since I've been an avid fan. I know there are far more devoted Audrey fans out there, but her biography is on my summer reading list. And I love, love, love every quote I come across by her. She was an amazing, philanthropic woman who's life deserves to be celebrated.

Her 85th birthday would have been yesterday had she not been taken from us too soon, and I firmly believe that us ladies can take away a lot from her. Audrey was a lady who was always, always, always willing to give. I don't know about all of you, but I feel like it something not many people are capable of or want to do anymore. Giving back isn't as much of a priority as it used to be. Sad, isn't it?

Get inspired with these quotes from Audrey herself!

Life As of Late

In case you all haven't caught on by now, the past few months have been insanely hard to get through. Between my super busy schedule, and some personal ups and downs, I've just felt a little lost. And I get it, feeling lost sometimes is part of growing up, but I'm a little over it.

Now that school is winding down (come Wednesday I'm basically on summer break!!), I'm extremely grateful after having gotten through the past two months. School was busy, work was busy, my internships were busy, and life was just go, go, go. But that's how it's always going to be right? When life pushes you down, you can't just stop. You've gotta just keep... going.

Life as I know it... and all it's complications

Every week starts like this. Monday.

And then I'm forced to realize,

Thinking about attending my 8am (which inevitably never happens), and then realizing that lab starts at 9:30am.

So I walk into lab like

A process that is repeated every Wednesday. But Tuesdays aren't much better.

Public Speaking.

Wednesday. See above. Except for I have one more class.

Thursday morning- Internship day (the one part of the week I actually enjoy... getting paid to sit on my computer and work with people on social media)!!

#hashtags are everything.

And then I have public speaking again.

But when I kick butt on my ceremonial speech I'm like

How I plan on spending my three hour class Thursday night.

Realizing there's no wifi OR 3G in said classroom...

Thursday night. Binge-watching Scandal on Netflix and wine.

Lol just kidding I don't need help, just more wine.

Waking up the next morning....

WAIT it's Friday!!!

Then realizing that I have to look good tonight and I drank a bottle of wine last night...

... Back to bed.

Friday night when I remember why I don't go out.

Hearing about all the fun my friends had Friday night for the rest of the weekend...

Call me the loser of the bunch, I can handle it.

I still secretly think I'm as cool as Queen B.

Never said it was glamorous. The countdown to summer is on ladies!!

When It Rains, You Lose Your Starbucks

Today I woke up to birds chirping and my pup snuggled up against me. My window was slightly open and I had spent all night sleeping to the calm sound of the rain. I love the rain--when I'm inside and I can observe the kind of peace that comes along with it. Put me outside in it, and I absolutely hate it.

For example, today I woke up at 8 for a 9:30am work meeting. Ate some breakfast, got ready, went to my meeting. When I went into work for my meeting, it was relatively nice out. Come outside after my meeting, it's drizzling. Came back home to make a quick lunch and drag myself to class. 

While I was making my salad, I kept contemplating whether or not I wanted to take my last freebie for this class I have today. Yesterday was super busy, today's schedule was pretty busy, and I only have two weeks left of school. So I decided to suck it up and be productive.

Worst decision I made today.

I got my stuff together, grabbed my umbrella and a very poorly made raincoat (regretfully a decent raincoat is not an item that I own... dumb I know), and set out to Starbucks. When I left Starbucks with my tall skinny latte in hand, I started to think, "Good choice Em, great job. Proud of you for actually going to class." And then I got to school. The drizzling rain had turned to straight out rain and conveniently enough, my campus is on top of a hill-- prone to extreme wind which makes already bad weather seem downright terrible. Suck it up Em. You're going to thank yourself later on. Really, you are... I promise.

 Not. So I opened my umbrella, grabbed my bag and Starbucks, and started walking to class. I didn't even make it halfway to class before my umbrella was completely inside out thanks to the unbelievable wind. But I couldn't set my Starbucks down because it too would blow away. I put my latte between my knees, tried to tame my umbrella, and before I knew it my latte was on the ground and my umbrella had essentially lost the battle against the wind.

I gave up on today right there.

It wasn't even 11am and I was 110% done with today. So now, I'm at home, writing blog posts and drinking a homemade cup of coffee (ugh), listening to the patter of the rain against my windows. Some things are better left observed than experienced I suppose, rain being among them. I don't know how fun dancing in the rain is, but I have a pretty good feeling I'd strongly dislike it. And in other news, I'm starting to think some place sunny and warm is where I'm destined to be post-college. The struggle is real my friends, but hey, at least I made a valiant effort to drag my butt to school.

Long story short, rainy days are for staying indoors.

p.s. You can bet I'll be investing in a rain coat sooner rather than later.

1/2/3

xoxo

There's Strength in Friendships

Anyone else ever see this quote on Pinterest? If you haven't, I may or may not be mostly convinced you live under a rock. EVERY time I see this quote on Pinterest one part of me cringes, another part of me wants to punch something (mostly myself), and the other part of me is like "Yea! Let's do this!" The latter part is often overruled by the comfort of my bed or couch, and therefore I'm afraid I'll never be quite as good as Queen B. Maybe Taylor Swift though, she seems to like to relax just as much as the next girl. Hehe.

Anyway, if you haven't picked up on it yet, my motivation has seriously been lacking.

I may have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyonce...

But I also thoroughly enjoy sleeping in. And spending time making a yummy breakfast. Writing blog posts, reading my favorite blogs, Pinterest-ing, Tumblr-ing, stalking people catching up on Facebook, tweeting celebs in hopes that maybe (just maybe!) they'll tweet me back. Note: The closest thing to a celebrity that's ever tweeted at me/favorited a tweet/retweeted a tweet include The College Prepster and KJP/Sarah KJP. And yes, I do squeal and jump up and down every time it happens. Whatever.

I look at weekends (like I think most normal people do...) as a time to relax, sit on the couch, watch some Netflix, maybe read a bit. Sure,  to some it kinda comes off as slacking, laziness, and so on, but I enjoy my lazy slacker Saturdays and Sundays! Sue me. I've found this past year I've just been so busy that I need the weekends to decompress. It's the very reason I don't like to go out! Some people love to go crazy with their friends to unwind after a long week; I like to go to bed, sleep in, watch TV, and not have a pounding headache the entire time!

I've been taking the entire school year to kind of try and come to terms with the fact that I'm not the crazy child I was for my first two years of college. I'm really mellowing out, kinda turning into a grandma. Don't really care about it. To be honest, I'm really quite content by myself most of the time! My family and my friends don't really get it. Sometimes I don't even get it! Why am I so content to hang out by my lonesome when all everybody else wants to do is be with their friends every second of the day?

I guess it's time to stop asking that question.

You've gotta do what makes YOU happy. The way I'm starting to look at it is like this. If your friends are really your friends, they'll understand. I do make my friends a priority; I think the older you get, the busier you get, and you need friends to get by... So you have to make them a priority. Yes, you've gotta do what makes you happy, but you've got to make choices with the people you care about in mind. 

Like relationships, friendships are hard work. You have to invest in them in order for them to become any good. I often find myself getting so wrapped up in my life that I forget to check in with people I care about. It's something I really need to work on. I mean, what's the point of being happy if you can't share that happiness with the people you love?

"There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate."

Don't focus so much on yourself that you forget the people who have helped to make you you in the first place. Self-love and acceptance are important, but the people who've stood by you through your triumphs and failures, the people who've taught you lesson after lesson, are the people who are going to continue to help you on your journey to discovering who you really are. Life can be lonely, but it doesn't have to be. And that's all up to you.

1/2/3

Happy Monday!

xoxo

Five Things

Want to know how awkward it is to stalk yourself on Facebook? Okay, I know we all do it... but I actually had a purpose this time. Looking for selfies. You'll know why in a bit. Anyways, I've been seeing people in my news feed posting to a page called Gratitude Journal. I'd join it but you have to post three things a day, and most people do it first thing in the morning, but I never go on Facebook in the morning. I tend to try and remind myself what I'm most grateful for each night before I go to bed. 

But anyways, lately I've been feeling kind of grateful for myself. But before you call me conceited, hear me out! 

It takes a lot to be a strong person, and while I have my weaknesses I think I am an inherently strong-willed girl. Mentally I'm in a completely different place than I've ever been, but I still have days where I just get so down on myself. And I find myself consciously reminding myself of how good a person I am-- something I think everybody needs to do. You can't be the best version of yourself at any given time without believing you're the best you you can be... for now, anyways.

So, I thought for today's post I'd write five things I like about myself. You should grab a journal and do it too! Sometimes the only person who can convince you of just how amazing you are is yourself.

#loveyourselfie

1. I'm Loyal.

I'm so fiercely loyal to my friends and my family (and my dog) and my beliefs that sometimes I think it's a bad thing. Actually, it has proven to be a bad thing a few times in the past... especially when someone turns out to be someone completely different than who you thought they were. Thankfully it doesn't happen often, but it takes a lot of patience for someone to be loyal. I mean, all the buttons people you love can push can get to be a lot, but at the end of the day I'd do anything for my friends and family. They're everything to me.

2. I'm Hard-working.

Since I was 15 I've held down a job (or two, or three...). And I've been a full-time student. And now I have an internship on top of all of that. I may be too busy for my own good, but I love it. It keeps me going and keeps me motivated when it comes to making sure I set myself up for success.

3. I'm a Dreamer.

Literally last night when I was going to bed, I told myself to dream of Paris. And guess what! I did. Then I woke up fully believing I was going to move there and learn French after working for a couple years following graduation. Wouldn't that be lovely? La Vie en Rose may or may not be on repeat all day today... But hey, dreams keep me going.

4. I'm a family gal.

Sometimes I think it's weird because one of my favorite people to hang out with is my mom. Sunday nights are my favorite because of our family dinners with our neighbors, and the holidays are the best in my book. And while my family does tend to drive me a little crazy at times (don't they all?!), there's nothing better than a family vacation.

5. I'm Confident. (#myrealselfie)

I think this comes with age, but I'm lucky because despite all my insecurities I've always considered myself to be an overall confident person. A lot of people tell me I'm intimidating which I find funny because 98% of the time I'm doing something completely illogical. But I've found that when you believe in yourself and who you are, good things come your way. Things that are meant for you, people you're meant to stumble upon, memories you're meant to make, and I find something unbelievably surreal in that.

Gotta say, I thought a "sweat pants, hair-tied (except for not in this one), chilling with no make up (and glasses) on" look would be far more intimidating to share with the world. Be proud of who you are, imperfections and all.

xoxo, 

Em