Saying No

The one thing I hate more than anything in this world is disappointing people. It absolutely destroys me when I let people down, so I obviously do my best not to. But there is a line that gets crossed when you forget how to say no for fear of disappointing those around you. Whether they be employers, friends, or family, sometimes you just have to say no. And I suck at it.

In late July/early August, I found myself saying yes to every opportunity that came my way. I didn't realize that in doing this I had also bitten off far, far, far (far) more than I could chew. When classes started, it became even more apparent that I was not only essentially losing my mind, but my work was suffering too. If anything, this summer has taught me that I by no means want my entire life to be work. It also taught me that by saying yes to so many things, I was basically sabotaging myself.

In the past week, I finished up an internship, I dropped two shifts at the gym I work at, and I spent two whole days worrying about nothing work or school-related whatsoever. I changed my days at my other internship to Mondays and Wednesdays so that I could have Fridays all clear. And last Friday I slept until 11. I made myself a healthy breakfast, watched some TV, did some serious Pinterest-ing, and then went to get my first manicure in months. There were a few moments here and there where I found myself worrying about this or that, what assignment was due, or whether or not I was going to get this project done for my internship. But for the first time in what felt like months I pushed those thoughts from my mind. I just couldn't afford them.

I was so busy all summer that my happiness was on the line. One minute I'd be on cloud nine and the next thinking the whole of the world was out to get me. I've been feeling so incredibly off balance lately that I forgot what just living was like. I realized that it was okay to take a day to do the things I enjoy doing. I baked an apple crisp, I drank some wine, I spent quality time with friends, and I did a whole lot of nothing. It was down-right amazing.

When I was younger, I never had a problem saying no to people. I think I saw growing up as a sort of end to that freedom. The freedom to say no. But if there was anything younger Emily had going for her it was that she always knew what was best for herself. And now I guess I'm just trying to get back to that. I don't have to do it all. I can say "no" to people. I can do what's best for me, unapologetically.

And that's 100% okay.

3 Things to Know Before Getting an Internship

So a few weeks ago I landed a new internship! It's virtual so I can do it from here, but the woman I'm working for is based in NYC (!!!). I landed it on none other than Internships.com and it's been going really well so far. I've already learned so much in the few weeks I've been working with her, I'm actually amazed. Not only am I learning things that I will be using in my career, but a lot of the things I'm learning I can apply to my blog as well.

I waited a long time to get my first internship. I didn't land my first one until the start of last semester (er... junior year), and now I'm taking on my third internship! Come fall, I'm pretty sure I'll be doing three and taking a full schedule of classes. (*Insert panic attack here*) I may or may not have bit off more than I can chew, but what's new? The bottom line is, I feel like I've learned enough from my experience to give you a few pointers if you're starting on the hunt for an internship this coming semester.

Your Own Kind of Hero

Self-pity is something I think we all turn to in times of great stress and strife (or what feels like strife anyways). The past few weeks I've been scrounging up the money to be able to afford food and gas, and the other day I just completely had a meltdown and called my mom bawling my eyes out. Which only made things worse because well, "you should have known better than to spend your money on designer handbags." Anyone else feel me on this one?

Needless to say, ever since moving out of my house I'm really starting to grasp the importance of saving (read: when my paychecks roll in don't expect me to be going on any shopping sprees.) This summer is now officially dedicated to paying off my credit card bill, paying my utilities, and saving for books/winter. Ugh. Real life.

7 Tips for Dealing with Anxiety

Before coming to college, I definitely thought it was going to be easier than say, how it appeared to be in Legally Blonde. Don't get me wrong, LOVE that movie. It just set me up with unrealistic expectations. Elle gets into Harvard Law with some studying, but mostly by a miracle, and has some hardships at first, and then again, by some miracle discovers that she was meant to be a lawyer.

College has been far from amazing for me. I've either been on one extreme side of the spectrum for my entire college career-- caring too much, or, caring too little. The struggle has been with me since the first day of freshman year. I didn't try to full on tackle the issue until the start of junior year.

I know that the second to last full week of classes is one of the hardest weeks of each semester, and I've never had to leave a class in order to avoid having a full-blown anxiety attack-- until a few weeks ago.

Life As of Late

In case you all haven't caught on by now, the past few months have been insanely hard to get through. Between my super busy schedule, and some personal ups and downs, I've just felt a little lost. And I get it, feeling lost sometimes is part of growing up, but I'm a little over it.

Now that school is winding down (come Wednesday I'm basically on summer break!!), I'm extremely grateful after having gotten through the past two months. School was busy, work was busy, my internships were busy, and life was just go, go, go. But that's how it's always going to be right? When life pushes you down, you can't just stop. You've gotta just keep... going.

Life as I know it... and all it's complications

Every week starts like this. Monday.

And then I'm forced to realize,

Thinking about attending my 8am (which inevitably never happens), and then realizing that lab starts at 9:30am.

So I walk into lab like

A process that is repeated every Wednesday. But Tuesdays aren't much better.

Public Speaking.

Wednesday. See above. Except for I have one more class.

Thursday morning- Internship day (the one part of the week I actually enjoy... getting paid to sit on my computer and work with people on social media)!!

#hashtags are everything.

And then I have public speaking again.

But when I kick butt on my ceremonial speech I'm like

How I plan on spending my three hour class Thursday night.

Realizing there's no wifi OR 3G in said classroom...

Thursday night. Binge-watching Scandal on Netflix and wine.

Lol just kidding I don't need help, just more wine.

Waking up the next morning....

WAIT it's Friday!!!

Then realizing that I have to look good tonight and I drank a bottle of wine last night...

... Back to bed.

Friday night when I remember why I don't go out.

Hearing about all the fun my friends had Friday night for the rest of the weekend...

Call me the loser of the bunch, I can handle it.

I still secretly think I'm as cool as Queen B.

Never said it was glamorous. The countdown to summer is on ladies!!

Monday Inspiration: Give In

Just another manic Monday... or week! If you didn't notice, I was not able to get up a "Weekly Wonders" post last week. It felt like the week just whizzed by and between classes, homework, meetings, and life I just didn't have the time. Goal for this week: Be more on top of things.

Moving on, last week was a whirlwind of emotions and stress. We didn't have classes Monday, but something happened last Sunday that just bummed me out and put me in a funk that made accomplishing anything (besides signing a lease!!) seem impossible. By the time classes on Tuesday rolled around I had no choice but to pick myself up and work my butt off the rest of the week. I was so thankful when Friday came, I was actually dying to go out and just hang out with friends.

Sometimes letting loose with your best friends is the greatest remedy for releasing all the stress that had built up throughout the week. I mentioned here that I tend to feel anything and everything. Last week I was so busy I felt like I didn't have time to even handle anything I was feeling, and it all crept up on me Saturday when I finally had some downtime. 

I learned this summer that not taking the time to acknowledge and handle the feelings you don't want to feel is going to do you more harm in the long run then it will do you good. I was just talking about this with a friend yesterday who was feeling a little down (for good reason). Pushing away feelings you're afraid of or uncomfortable with might be a good remedy in the short term, but you have to give in to them at some point.

The bigger they are the harder they fall, right? I know this idiom is meant to describe failure, but I think it can be applied here as well. The more intense the feeling and emotion you refuse to acknowledge, the longer you harbor it somewhere deep down inside, the worse the heartbreak is going to be when they finally come to light. I've become a big proponent of taking time to consider how I'm feeling in any given situation, why I'm feeling that way, and how I can move on from it.

You can't find peace by avoiding life. You can't find peace by ignoring your emotions. The hardest part of accepting this part of life is accepting that it's okay to feel everything. When you're feeling everything at once though, that's when you run into trouble. You can run from so many things in life, but you can't run from yourself. You can't escape yourself. And your emotions are a part of who you are, a part of what defines you, a part of what defines your life. But that doesn't mean you have to let them run your life.

I'm a very intuitive person. I can tell when someone is struggling. And the one thing all these people have in common? It's not that they're broken, it's the fact that they think they're broken.

We've all been there. We've all felt lost. But if you break once, it's okay. Just don't allow yourself to stay that way. Part of the process of overcoming the tougher emotions in life--heartbreak, grief, loss, even love-- is allowing yourself to feel them. Really, truly, deeply, feel what it is your feeling and don't be sorry about it. We're all human, and we're all just trying to get by. My greatest worry about our society today is that between social media, the pressure to fit in, this "American dream" that always seems so out of reach, people have lost themselves. We've become ghosts just puttering around hoping that one day we stumble upon success. Don't be a ghost. Don't run from who you are. Give in to your emotions, give in to your feelings, and life will find a way to repay you. Honesty is one of the hardest things in life, but it's true what they say, nine times out of ten it's the best policy.

1/2/3

Challenge yourself this week.

xoxo

7 Steps to Limiting Stress

With school now back in full swing until May, I find it so incredibly easy to fall off the bandwagon. I swear my stress level dictates my life most days. I'm either too stressed out about school to do anything or so overwhelmed by school that all I want to do is clean, clean, clean. Last year when I was living in a room the size of a shoe box (you think I'm kidding...), I found that if I didn't keep my room clean and my teeny tiny closet organized that my already chaotic life would feel all the more chaotic. Ugh.

So, nowadays, my room is mostly always kept nice and tidy. I have quite a few methods to keep it that way, seeing as time as of late seems to be extremely limited. I love Sundays because it means that I can get everything situated for the week and finally feel like I have a glimpse as to what's ahead.

Limiting stress during the school week has always been a challenge of mine. I'm easily overwhelmed and sometimes it just sends me into this shutdown mode where all I do is watch Netflix and avoid the loads of work piling up on my desk. (And by desk I mean laptop.) Making sure I'm organized at the start of the week has become an incredibly important part of my life.

Check out these tips!

1. Invest in a good planner.

How cute is this planner from May Designs?! Usually monograms are kind of where I draw the line (sorry all you monogram lovers...), but this agenda is just too cute. I've become so reliant on my Kate Spade agenda throughout the school year. I have the black striped one and it's seriously a lifesaver. Between that and my mobile calendar, there's a 99% chance I won't be missing anything important. And thank goodness for that!

2. Write it all down.

Going along with the whole agenda thing, I write everything I have going on in the week down. I'm an avid list-maker; to-do lists, I love you. I make checklists in my planner and jot down my workout too. It helps immensely when it comes to planning out your day!

                                                                                     

3. Coordinate.

It may be the anal side of me, but I have my closet color coordinated. I love how organized it looks and as silly as it sounds, it's inspired me to coordinate more things! My planner is color coordinated by class, so for each of my five classes what needs to be done is highlighted in a different color. I'm not exactly sure why, but it makes it so much easier to remember my assignments for each class. And plus, now when I'm shopping, I have a much better idea of what my closet looks like!

4.  Meditate.

Not many people are aware of this, but I actually take a few minutes to meditate every night. It helps to decompress after a long day. If you're thinking it's silly, no worries! I did too. As a matter of fact, I thought it was incredibly stupid for quite some time. But one night when I was having a hard time falling asleep, I gave it a try out of desperation. Now, going to bed without taking a little bit of time to breathe in, breathe out rarely happens. I legitimately have to be so exhausted that my mind shuts off on it's own and I just pass out. 

   5. Make health a priority.

Lately I've been finding more and more that to keep my stress levels under control I have to be taking good care of myself. I've got the healthy eating down pretty well now, thank goodness. And as for the exercising? I'm getting much better. Not only are the endorphins good for my mood, but by the time I hit the hay at night I'm SO ready to sink into my bed and sleep soundly. And if anything motivates a college student, it's getting to go to bed. 

6. Take a (Coffee) Break.

My best friends are lifesavers when I'm feeling stressed out. My best friends and coffee, that is. And when we're together, it's kind of a given that coffee will be involved. I am in no way shape or form a calm person, it feels like I'm constantly stressing about something. When there's an opportunity for me to get together with my friends for a quick break at Starbucks or even at the library, I take it. Nothing is better than a vent session with the people who know you best!

7. Call Mom.

When all else fails, call your mom. Or whoever was responsible for bringing you up and loving you throughout your awkward years. My mom knows me better than anyone, and I'm so thankful that I feel like I can go to her for anything. She'll let me be crazy and knows when to just give me a hug and let me cry. And Mom hugs really are the best. 

Have a great day ladies!

xoxo