A New Year

The funny thing about resolutions is that they are the epitome of the saying "easier said than done." Last year I set three resolutions. I had a few more written in a picture in my room, one of them being to eat more fruits and veggies. I did follow through on that one. I did not however run a half marathon, and I'm not fully comfortable saying I learned how to budget either (read: I totally didn't.) That being said, I definitely did read more than I usually do in a year-- which isn't saying much, but it's a start! 

This year is a pretty big year for me. I'll be graduating college in five months, I'm officially on the hunt for a job and a new city to explore, and I'm just very excited for the year ahead. Every 2015 horoscope I've read has said I'm going to have a great year, which I am 100% hoping actually happens. 2014 was fun, but stressful. I stretched myself too thin for the majority of the year, and needless to say, I can't wait to have a 9 to 5 where afterwards, I can just go home and sit on my couch. No more homework! No more internship work! Maybe I'll have a cute lil' work desk! Hooray for naïveté, it's going to get me through the year.

I took a few days to come up with my resolutions following the new year. It's hard to come up with goals when you don't know where your life is going to take you! But I think I've got it down.

So there ya have it. I figure reading 12 books means I'll definitely read more this year... a book a month! Sounds good, doesn't it? And this will be the year of saving because now I actually really need to... Anyone else with me on that one? ;)

What are your resolutions for 2015?

xo

What's Your Story?

When I start writing, I usually try to think of a title first thing. I'm a very logical person, so logically it makes sense to me to think of a title and then write the post, you know? Anyway, I'm usually extremely successful at it. Or at least I was, until today. 

Sometimes I'm curious if I'm the only one who goes through weeks at a time where I just feel totally and completely uninspired by anything and everything in my life. I turned 21, so I've been a bit busier than usual. I went to New York City last weekend, and I was in Boston this past weekend. I've had a great time and spent far too much money on wine and clothes things I really needed... but in spite of all that fun, I've just been in a funk.

I went to write this post knowing that I needed to write to get whatever it was I was feeling off my chest. I write every night before bed in a journal and I looked back on what I wrote over the past two weeks. A lot of it rotated around fear. Fear of letting go, and fear of moving on. It's not a new feeling to me as I'm sure you all know given how many times I've written about it. But there it was-- what I was going to write about-- fear, yet again. And then I came to write the title of the post and was utterly lost.

photo; modified by Emily Blauvelt

It sounds funny, but I realized then and there what was wrong with me. I've been trying so hard to envision a life for myself that seems ideal, and forgetting to actually focus on the here and now. I've been trying to figure out what the title of my life story will be called, before fully appreciating and taking part in the life experiences that make it a story worth telling.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about who I could be a year from now. It feels like I'm drowning in a sea of what if's. I hate constantly asking myself whether or not I can do something. Because the truth is, up until this point in my life, I have managed to prove myself time and time again. And, if the future is anything like the past, then I'll continue to do so. But it's scary-- this point in my life. It's different than graduating high school; there is no safety net, and I've never been without a net to catch me if I fall. 

At this point in life, it's really easy to worry about how your actions now affect your future later. It's a good thing to worry about, but not in excess. I wouldn't be the woman I am today without having done the things I've done to get here. You can't forget to live because you're afraid of who you'll be a few years down the line. It's easy to miss things that are happening now because you're so focused on where you'll be in the future. But you got rid of the blinders, and get past the idea of there being any kind of prize in the future. You can't write the title of a story without actually having a story, because without a story, a title means nothing. In my rapidly expanding book of life lessons, when you're talking about people, a title is what people first judge you by, but a story consists of all the people and emotions and events that have made you you. So don't forget to write your story, but more importantly, don't forget to live it.

"Every story is based on a truth. Your truth."

xo

p.s. YES I most absolutely purposefully used a picture of Taylor Swift for this post because 1989 drops today! WHO'S EXCITED?!

Saying No

The one thing I hate more than anything in this world is disappointing people. It absolutely destroys me when I let people down, so I obviously do my best not to. But there is a line that gets crossed when you forget how to say no for fear of disappointing those around you. Whether they be employers, friends, or family, sometimes you just have to say no. And I suck at it.

In late July/early August, I found myself saying yes to every opportunity that came my way. I didn't realize that in doing this I had also bitten off far, far, far (far) more than I could chew. When classes started, it became even more apparent that I was not only essentially losing my mind, but my work was suffering too. If anything, this summer has taught me that I by no means want my entire life to be work. It also taught me that by saying yes to so many things, I was basically sabotaging myself.

In the past week, I finished up an internship, I dropped two shifts at the gym I work at, and I spent two whole days worrying about nothing work or school-related whatsoever. I changed my days at my other internship to Mondays and Wednesdays so that I could have Fridays all clear. And last Friday I slept until 11. I made myself a healthy breakfast, watched some TV, did some serious Pinterest-ing, and then went to get my first manicure in months. There were a few moments here and there where I found myself worrying about this or that, what assignment was due, or whether or not I was going to get this project done for my internship. But for the first time in what felt like months I pushed those thoughts from my mind. I just couldn't afford them.

I was so busy all summer that my happiness was on the line. One minute I'd be on cloud nine and the next thinking the whole of the world was out to get me. I've been feeling so incredibly off balance lately that I forgot what just living was like. I realized that it was okay to take a day to do the things I enjoy doing. I baked an apple crisp, I drank some wine, I spent quality time with friends, and I did a whole lot of nothing. It was down-right amazing.

When I was younger, I never had a problem saying no to people. I think I saw growing up as a sort of end to that freedom. The freedom to say no. But if there was anything younger Emily had going for her it was that she always knew what was best for herself. And now I guess I'm just trying to get back to that. I don't have to do it all. I can say "no" to people. I can do what's best for me, unapologetically.

And that's 100% okay.

Goodbye Summer

Writing the title of this post took every ounce of energy I have left after what seems like a summer of working. I know we all spend our summers working, but oh my gosh. This is the first summer in the history of, well, ever, that I've thought, "Wait, summer can't end." I am a fall baby all the way. I love it. But, the thought of classes starting and having homework on top of all the other stuff I already have to do kind of makes me want to throw up. Really, you should see my to-do lists.

There are some things you just can't change though, and the fact that I have my first class at 3:00 today is one of them. Did I mention it's three hours long? Jokes on jokes. And fingers crossed it doesn't actually go that long. This summer has some major highs and major lows; it's been by far the most beneficial summer for me. I've learned a lot, worked a lot, and laughed a lot. A good combination if you do ask me!

Anyway, I've seen a lot of "Hey, it's ok!" posts out there this summer. Inspired by Glamour and my favorite blogger, The College Prepster, I've decided to do my own as a kind of testament to this summer and all it's taught me.

photo

To eat a completely oversized bowl of stove-popped popcorn a day.

To kiss the boy you'll never in your life see again.

To color code your planner compulsively.

To wake up to a room completely destroyed by getting ready the night before.

To eat pizza at 2a.m.
To legitimately dream about Chris Soules from The Bachelorette.

To spend a rainy day holed up with your best friend watching Dirty Dancing, eating cupcakes, and ordering in.

To drink a bottle of wine on a Wednesday night while watching Love Actually.

To spend every spare moment (though few and far between) binge-watching HIMYM. 

To drop your phone in a toilet at a country concert.

To tell all your friends you dropped your phone in a toilet at a country concert.

To forget to check that all the members of the gym you work at are out of the building BEFORE you close it up (oops!).

To hang out with friends until 6am just talking about who knows what.

To go to Mexico and indulge in as many fruity drinks as possible (#judgeme).

To practically cry at a Disney fireworks show.

To force your family to watch every  fireworks show that Disney World has to offer.

To bawl your eyes out at the movies, tissue box in hand.

To talk to your dog like they're an actual person, because really, aren't they basically?

To not want to go back to classes because holy crap, you're graduating in May.

To not want to grow up.
To, at the same time, want to grow up.

To secretly like (gasp!) Mondays.

Happy Monday!

Lose Sight of Shore

As you read this I'm on my way to Mexico with Taylor and Julie, two of my best friends from high school (and my new roomies!). Jealous? I'm so excited to finally be on vacation. We booked this trip kind of spur of the moment back in February or March and have been waiting for it ever since! Cancun, here we come!

Leaving America to head to Mexico hasn't exactly done wonders for my nerves. I am not the world's best traveler. It's a little better when I'm on trips alone or with friends. Anyone else feel like traveling with their whole family is extra stressful?? I love them, but I'm a significantly better solo traveler. (Sorry parentals.)

Last summer when my friend Kate and I went to Europe for two weeks, I found during the weeks leading up to our trip that I was just an anxiety-ridden mess. Granted, this was before I realized just how bad my anxiety was, but still. I was surprised to find that I've been feeling the same way since I got back from DC a few weeks ago.

She Loved Three Things...

Do you ever ask yourself what three things you love most in this world? They don't have to be people, they don't have to be tangible objects, they can be moments, songs, memories, feelings, and so on. But really, how often do you ask yourself what you love most about this world or about your life and role in it?

My guess is not very often.

I know we all try to count our blessings before we fall asleep, but to be honest once I hit middle school my nighttime ritual of reading the daily thought in my little kid's "Be Thankful" book that my Nana got me completely went out the window. I mean, I know we outgrow things, but I kind of really liked ending my days that way. It always made me feel hopeful for the next day, even if the past 24 hours had been a 10-year old's version of a living hell (and trust me, that doesn't take much.)

Cross the Lines You Drew

It's no surprise that there are multiple ways that people handle the truth. As I've gotten older, I've found it far more difficult to acknowledge the harder truths in life-- so much so that for a while, I got really good at pretending they didn't even exist. My family couldn't be touched by death, loss, disappointment, failure, and so on. I quickly found between my senior year of high school and the end of my freshman year of college that that was just not the case. I was extremely lucky, but my family wasn't untouchable.

It's been two and a half years since I really first realized that life was going to have major ups and downs, and yet I'm still just barely learning how I handle the ups and downs--especially the big, life-changing ones. Surprise, surprise! I'm not so good at it. If there is anything that triggers my anxiety like no other, it's change. Can you see how that's not so convenient when you're a 20 year old one year away from graduating college?

My Year, Your Year

I've been really trying to make 2014 a "me" year. The focus since January has been on bettering myself as a person, and it's kind of not the easiest process in the world. Recognizing where you fall short of spectacular can be discouraging (i.e. many of my friends are known to be far more compassionate than I'll ever be), but I've also learned a lot about my strengths (i.e. strong writing skills, unbelievably passionate about things I believe in, willing to speak my mind when appropriate). 

It's really hard to recognize the things we need to work on in order to make ourselves more well-rounded human beings. I want to believe I'm perfect as much as the next girl, but hey, nobody's perfect. In January I started a Pinterest board and ever so creatively titled it "My Year"; whenever I'm not feeling super inspired either by myself or my surroundings, I go and take a peek at it. Pinterest has been throwing out a lot of inspiration lately, and I highly encourage you to create your own "My Year" board! It doesn't have to be a board of just quotes, or even a Pinterest board, make it a dream board-- of anything you want and put it up in your room! Put all your goals on there and reflect upon them once a week. I can't tell you how tremendously helpful my board has been in keeping me on track!

Remembering Audrey

Audrey Hepburn has been one of my favorite actresses for a very long time. I didn't see Breakfast at Tiffany's until my junior year of high school, and ever since I've been an avid fan. I know there are far more devoted Audrey fans out there, but her biography is on my summer reading list. And I love, love, love every quote I come across by her. She was an amazing, philanthropic woman who's life deserves to be celebrated.

Her 85th birthday would have been yesterday had she not been taken from us too soon, and I firmly believe that us ladies can take away a lot from her. Audrey was a lady who was always, always, always willing to give. I don't know about all of you, but I feel like it something not many people are capable of or want to do anymore. Giving back isn't as much of a priority as it used to be. Sad, isn't it?

Get inspired with these quotes from Audrey herself!