Your Own Kind of Hero

Self-pity is something I think we all turn to in times of great stress and strife (or what feels like strife anyways). The past few weeks I've been scrounging up the money to be able to afford food and gas, and the other day I just completely had a meltdown and called my mom bawling my eyes out. Which only made things worse because well, "you should have known better than to spend your money on designer handbags." Anyone else feel me on this one?

Needless to say, ever since moving out of my house I'm really starting to grasp the importance of saving (read: when my paychecks roll in don't expect me to be going on any shopping sprees.) This summer is now officially dedicated to paying off my credit card bill, paying my utilities, and saving for books/winter. Ugh. Real life.

Monday Inspiration: Forget the Safety Net

Have you ever done anything that has scared the living daylights out of you? I mean it literally scared you to no end? I know I've written about fear before. I'm no stranger to it. But I wanted to write about it again because writing is how I cope with things. I'm afraid of a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot.

I'm not just talking about scary movies and Halloween haunted forest rides (can't do either...), I'm talking about life in general. I think so far being 20 has been the scariest age. I'm already young for where I am in school, and now it's starting to become more and more of a reality that I'll be graduating college in a little over a year. I still remember my first day of middle school, and thinking I had all this time left to grow up. Yeah right.

We all have our fears, mostly of what can break us. But have you ever been scared of your potential?

You're probably thinking I'm crazy right now. Who's scared of who they could be? Most people just want to go out there and be the best person they can be. And don't get me wrong, I want that too. I want to build a life I'm proud of; I have a list of things I'd like to accomplish, dreams I'd like to fulfill, goals to aspire to.

But I think what's really getting to me right now is that I'm starting to fully grasp the range of my potential. And it's not a bad thing, as a matter of fact, it's kind of a good thing. I'm not trying to say, "Oh my gosh I have so many amazing things lined up for me and life is going to be awesome and go me." I'm not that optimistic.

Truth be told though, junior year has opened up some pretty amazing opportunities. I'm learning more than I ever thought I would (in a professional sphere and in a personal sphere), and even though I've still got a lot of growing up to do, I finally feel like I have a relatively mature handle on things.

This weird thing happened on my 20th birthday. All of a sudden it was like, holy cow, my life is actually starting. There is no safety net after college. I've lived my life relying on safety nets.

So why can't I let go of the safety net?

I suppose it's not a matter of whether or not I can let go of the safety net, but more so a matter of whether or not I want to let go of the safety net. I'm aware that graduating college creates opportunity to be all that you can be, to dream big and start working your way up. And I'm so thankful for the opportunity to get the education I'm getting. But letting go of the safety net? Being stuck with only yourself and your... potential? It's such a scary thought it nearly makes me sick.

Potential isn't a guarantee of success. Potential isn't a promise for a healthy paycheck. Potential isn't a 100% chance of happiness post-college.

I promise I have a point. Relying on just your potential is a downright terrifying thought. It's even more terrifying when you're a twenty-something with a resume full of "potential." The thing that's the scariest of all though, is realizing just how much potential you have, just how successful you can be-- if only you work for it.

 Changing the cycle that's been your life for the past twenty or so years is hard, I mean, change is hard. And the thing that's so confusing to me right now is that I'm scared of failing, but I'm scared of being successful too. With so much riding on your shoulders, how are you supposed to know what to do? But I guess when life is hard like this, and you don't know which direction to go, the best thing to do is follow your heart, right? 

"What the mind can conceive and believe, and the heart can desire, you can achieve." ~ Norman Vincent Peale

If you're feeling as unsure of the future as I am right now, make this your mantra for this week. Because really, do any of us really know our true potential? I think if we did, we'd all do things a lot differently.

Happy Monday!

xoxo

Monday Inspiration: Breaking (Bad) Habits

We are what we repeatedly do. We are what we repeatedly do. We are what we repeatedly do.

Habits are funny things. They're so easy to make yet so hard to break. Although, I suppose the same goes for most things in life, like relationships and friendships. They sneak up on you and sometimes you realize that these things-- habits, relationships, friendships-- are not helping you, but hindering you. And when it's time to put an end to whatever it is that's hurting you, sometimes you think it would almost just be easier to hold on to it for just a little longer. Acknowledge the problem, let it sit, and single-handedly ruin any shot at progress you may have had. Such is life. Hard.

Lately I've been on quite the healthy kick, and I notice myself going through this same kind of cycle. Monday through Thursday I'm so on top of everything. The exercising, the eating, the "mental breaks." And then Friday hits and between hanging out with friends, being bored and what not it all seems to just get thrown out the window. Being healthy has been something I've struggled with for as long as I can remember. I wasn't born into a family genetically blessed with high metabolisms, and I've come to accept that. But it bothers me so much at the same time.

This is where habits come in. Over the course of 20 years, I've developed eating and exercise habits that are less than perfect. Granted, they've gotten significantly better as I've gotten older, but nonetheless it's a struggle. Some days it's easy, and some days it just seems like the hardest thing in the world-- to get myself to the gym or to choose the salad over the sandwich. Last night I was searching all over Pinterest for some kind of inspiration to re-inspire me to get back on the path I was on just three days ago, then I realized the only thing that could inspire me, was me.

Breaking old habits has got to be one of the hardest things in the world. And I'm not just talking about breaking away from an unhealthy lifestyle. I'm talking about the boy you always run back to when things go wrong, or the desk load of work you dive into as some kind of distraction from the mess that is your life (or so it seems). We all have our ways of coping, but are they healthy?

I have this (other) bad habit of convincing myself that I'm not deserving of some of the things that my friends have. I won't go into details, but I've had to work the hardest on this habit in order to overcome it. It's taken so long (so so so long) to break through the barriers where this feeling of unworthiness was coming from. And the thing is, until someone pointed out to me that I had a habit of doing this, of validating my own belief that I wasn't enough, I had no idea I was even doing it. I didn't have a clue of just how unhealthy of a state my mind was in.

"Some days there won't be a song in your heart. Sing anyway."

We all have bad habits. We all have our days. We're all human. There are so many ups and downs and twists and turns in life that it's no wonder the fair majority of us feel like we're wandering around like chickens with our heads cut off! I never realized just how insane I felt on a day to day basis until I took the time to acknowledge and reflect upon the habits that, in the end, were contributing to that feeling of instability and insanity.

I'm so happy with life right now I don't know what to do with myself. Of course there are days where I'm less than thrilled to have to get out of my warm and cozy bed, but those kinds of days tend to be the ones that surprise me the most. Shifting one's focus from the negative to the positive, from a bad habit to a better habit, can make all the difference in life. Take into consideration habits you feel could be hindering you and your success, and think about how you can tweak them just enough to not throw your whole week off balance. It's about baby steps, right? Doesn't slow and steady win the race?

xoxo