3 Things to Know Before Getting an Internship

So a few weeks ago I landed a new internship! It's virtual so I can do it from here, but the woman I'm working for is based in NYC (!!!). I landed it on none other than Internships.com and it's been going really well so far. I've already learned so much in the few weeks I've been working with her, I'm actually amazed. Not only am I learning things that I will be using in my career, but a lot of the things I'm learning I can apply to my blog as well.

I waited a long time to get my first internship. I didn't land my first one until the start of last semester (er... junior year), and now I'm taking on my third internship! Come fall, I'm pretty sure I'll be doing three and taking a full schedule of classes. (*Insert panic attack here*) I may or may not have bit off more than I can chew, but what's new? The bottom line is, I feel like I've learned enough from my experience to give you a few pointers if you're starting on the hunt for an internship this coming semester.

Stronger

You guys. Life has been so, so good lately. 

So why is the title of this post "Stronger"? The answer is really extremely simple. Regardless of the fact that almost every aspect of my life is going incredibly well right now, I am still prone to the dreaded anxiety attack. As I'm writing this, my stomach is literally in knots, my heart is pounding and I feel like there is a 100 pound weight on my chest; and in true Emily fashion, I have no freaking clue why. If I'm being honest, I think this post is my own sort of therapy session to explore why I'm feeling this way. Congratulations, I trust you (my lovely readers) with my less-than-sane (yet totally normal for a 20-something) antics.

What do you do when the future is right around the corner, but you're still hanging onto the past by the tips of your fingernails? When you're so close to being ready to let go of all that has made you you, and move on to all that will make you who you are ten years from now, is it okay to feel scared s**tless? Because I'm scared s**tless.

And my friends, it's not fun. It's not fun thinking every day (and pardon my French here), "Holy s**t, I'm a senior in college. Oh my gosh, in less than a year my life is going to be drastically different than everything I've known for essentially my whole life." It's not fun thinking about friends getting married and moving in with boyfriends and that I should be doing the same, yet here I am focusing on my career. It's not fun thinking that failure could be around every corner I turn for the next five to ten years. It's not fun thinking that before I know it I'm going to be thrown into a world that has yet to open it's arms to me and welcome me in. It's not fun thinking that the real world never opens it's arms to you in a welcoming, warm hug. Basically, nothing about right now is fun. It's all down right terrifying.

I'm really good at pushing all of these thoughts to the back of my mind and forcing myself to not worry about them. The way I see it, I want to enjoy this next year with as few panic attacks as possible. But when I'm laying in bed it's hard to not think about it all. I'm excited. And nervous. And everything in between.

In two and a half months I celebrate another birthday, and when I start to look back on this year, I see how much I've changed. My views on so many things-- friendships, relationships, life in general-- it's all changed. I think the thing that's really scaring me the most is the fact that for the first time in my life I feel prepared to take on all the twists and turns heading my way in the coming years. Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared to death of them. But lately when I look in the mirror, I don't see a little girl anymore. I might live an extremely sheltered life, but when I look in the mirror I see someone who's seen enough of the world to know that it can swallow you whole, I see a young lady ready to grow into the woman she's meant to be. Sometimes I miss the "Part of Your World"-singing, curly blonde-haired child that I used to be. Sometimes I can't wait to see the woman I am five, ten years down the line. And sometimes, I just want to stay right here, stuck in the in-between. But that doesn't mean it's not a hard place to be.

If I'm being completely honest with you all right now, yes, I am totally and 100% completely afraid of failing. I'm terrified of not leaving after college and of getting stuck in a place that I love and am comfortable in, but want desperately to leave. I'm terrified of not getting the right job, of not doing the right thing after graduation. I'm terrified of it all. But at the same time I'm not. It's so conflicting! The other half of the whole truth is, I'm scared because I'm ready to face it all head-on. I'm scared because I'm stronger than I've ever been. And if that makes me a walking contradiction, then I guess that's what I am--because I'm beginning to think being scared and being strong might be the same thing.

Your Own Kind of Hero

Self-pity is something I think we all turn to in times of great stress and strife (or what feels like strife anyways). The past few weeks I've been scrounging up the money to be able to afford food and gas, and the other day I just completely had a meltdown and called my mom bawling my eyes out. Which only made things worse because well, "you should have known better than to spend your money on designer handbags." Anyone else feel me on this one?

Needless to say, ever since moving out of my house I'm really starting to grasp the importance of saving (read: when my paychecks roll in don't expect me to be going on any shopping sprees.) This summer is now officially dedicated to paying off my credit card bill, paying my utilities, and saving for books/winter. Ugh. Real life.

Go Ahead and Fuel My Fire

I'm not going to lie and say I've been the happiest of girls as of late. Truth be told, the past few weeks have been absolutely annoying. Almost so annoying that I literally think I may have a hangover of sorts from just being so annoyed all. the. time. Being twenty and living at home, stuck somewhere between kid and adult, not wanting to grow up, and yet at the same time only wanting to get the heck out. To live on my own, to finally start a real life for myself-- instead of this constant state of in between. But apparently nobody understands just how awful of a feeling that is, something I find extremely unfortunate.

"There's only one success; to spend your life your own way."

I am lucky because I feel so sure of what I want to do and where I want to go. I'm not going to be that girl that graduates college and still has no idea what to do with her life. I know that working with social media and marketing is where I'm meant to be. I can interpret the denotations and connotations within an ad in minutes thanks to my classes at school. I know what works and doesn't work when it comes to targeting people my age. I know that I love writing and I know that a job that in some way or another embodies all of these things is the one I'm perfectly suited for.

 I already do what I want to do part-time (and by part-time I mean an internship that's basically six hours a week). But never the less, I've learned so much in those six hours a week through trial and error. And not just about what it's like to be in a real work environment, but what it's like to have to challenge yourself. To have to pitch your ideas to those above you, to feel the heat rise up into your already rosy cheeks as you wait for them to agree or disagree with the course of action you want to take. It's nerve-wracking and exciting, and so rewarding when they tell you that you've done well.

I firmly believe that I will be successful after college. It's one of the things I don't worry about. And there's nothing I hate more than when people make me feel like it's something I should be worried about. I get that we live in a society where we live to work; I understand that in other societies it's the other way around. I guess I just don't want to live to work, but at the same time I don't want to work to live. Like everybody else, I just want to find a happy balance. I think I'm way more optimistic about my future than others tend to be; I think it intimidates a lot of people as well. But here's the thing. I don't care.

"Life's tough. Get a helmet."

I am confident in who I am, what I believe, and where I want to go. I will go to the ends of the earth to get there. It doesn't matter what city I end up in after college (the Boston or New York debate continues...), it doesn't matter that I'm from one of the smallest, most sheltered states in America. I'm going to be just fine.

Our generation gets hated on so much for being naive. For living well outside our means. For dreaming big, living large, and working hard. Do you think anyone would be anywhere in life without being some kind of naive? No freaking way. Nobody would get anywhere because they'd be so deathly afraid of all the failure they could encounter on their journey. So let me be naive. Let me learn on my own terms. Let me fall and scrape my knee, or break my leg, or my arm, or every ounce of my being trying to become the best version of myself. Make fun of me and roll your eyes if that's how you have to deal with it. Call me names, treat me like I'm dumb. Go ahead. But you'll be laughing when ten years from now I'm so successful all those words you shot at me and daggers you stabbed me with will be a faint memory.

I don't have time for mean and nasty. I don't have time for unsupportive friends. I do, on the other hand, have the time to write a post to tell you this very, very important lesson-- say what you want, do what you want. And let your haters fuel your fire. Don't live for them, don't work for them. Keep them in the back of your mind every time you doubt yourself. And see who's laughing in the end.

xoxo

Monday Inspiration: Forget the Safety Net

Have you ever done anything that has scared the living daylights out of you? I mean it literally scared you to no end? I know I've written about fear before. I'm no stranger to it. But I wanted to write about it again because writing is how I cope with things. I'm afraid of a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot.

I'm not just talking about scary movies and Halloween haunted forest rides (can't do either...), I'm talking about life in general. I think so far being 20 has been the scariest age. I'm already young for where I am in school, and now it's starting to become more and more of a reality that I'll be graduating college in a little over a year. I still remember my first day of middle school, and thinking I had all this time left to grow up. Yeah right.

We all have our fears, mostly of what can break us. But have you ever been scared of your potential?

You're probably thinking I'm crazy right now. Who's scared of who they could be? Most people just want to go out there and be the best person they can be. And don't get me wrong, I want that too. I want to build a life I'm proud of; I have a list of things I'd like to accomplish, dreams I'd like to fulfill, goals to aspire to.

But I think what's really getting to me right now is that I'm starting to fully grasp the range of my potential. And it's not a bad thing, as a matter of fact, it's kind of a good thing. I'm not trying to say, "Oh my gosh I have so many amazing things lined up for me and life is going to be awesome and go me." I'm not that optimistic.

Truth be told though, junior year has opened up some pretty amazing opportunities. I'm learning more than I ever thought I would (in a professional sphere and in a personal sphere), and even though I've still got a lot of growing up to do, I finally feel like I have a relatively mature handle on things.

This weird thing happened on my 20th birthday. All of a sudden it was like, holy cow, my life is actually starting. There is no safety net after college. I've lived my life relying on safety nets.

So why can't I let go of the safety net?

I suppose it's not a matter of whether or not I can let go of the safety net, but more so a matter of whether or not I want to let go of the safety net. I'm aware that graduating college creates opportunity to be all that you can be, to dream big and start working your way up. And I'm so thankful for the opportunity to get the education I'm getting. But letting go of the safety net? Being stuck with only yourself and your... potential? It's such a scary thought it nearly makes me sick.

Potential isn't a guarantee of success. Potential isn't a promise for a healthy paycheck. Potential isn't a 100% chance of happiness post-college.

I promise I have a point. Relying on just your potential is a downright terrifying thought. It's even more terrifying when you're a twenty-something with a resume full of "potential." The thing that's the scariest of all though, is realizing just how much potential you have, just how successful you can be-- if only you work for it.

 Changing the cycle that's been your life for the past twenty or so years is hard, I mean, change is hard. And the thing that's so confusing to me right now is that I'm scared of failing, but I'm scared of being successful too. With so much riding on your shoulders, how are you supposed to know what to do? But I guess when life is hard like this, and you don't know which direction to go, the best thing to do is follow your heart, right? 

"What the mind can conceive and believe, and the heart can desire, you can achieve." ~ Norman Vincent Peale

If you're feeling as unsure of the future as I am right now, make this your mantra for this week. Because really, do any of us really know our true potential? I think if we did, we'd all do things a lot differently.

Happy Monday!

xoxo