Tough Love

Have you ever been venting to someone and when it came time for them to give some much-needed advice, it just... wasn't what you wanted to hear? Or if you get a double whammy, it wasn't what you wanted to hear and it just downright hurt. I'm right in saying we've all had those moments, right? Am I also right in saying that often times, friendships take complete turns after someone is just completely honest with you? Whether it be about where they're at, or where you're at, the raw truth can have serious impacts on friendships.

Making the Cut

We all reach a point in our lives where we're just sick of the bulls***. We're sick of fake smiling at people we don't like, sick of holding onto friendships that don't serve us in a positive way, sick of trying to be somebody we're not to please those around us. Sick of feeling like we're stuck in this never-ending bubble of scrutiny from every which way. In case you haven't gathered this, I kind of learned a lot of life lessons this summer, so buckle up-- because they're all starting to really hit me.

I feel like I've always been the girl with a wide range of friends. I could hang out with different "groups" in high school and get along fine, but it wasn't until a few years ago that I really found my inner circle. I'm a firm believer in the idea that every girl needs a close, tight-knit group of friends.

Growing up, I had a lot of great friendships that came and went-- some that even still linger. But when life gets busy, and your best friends move to new cities, and they find new friends to have amazing adventures with, it gets hard to stay in touch. I think a lot of us have a really hard time grasping this, the idea that it's okay to move on. Some friendships aren't meant to last forever, and there comes a point where you're just not willing to give up some precious free time for people who ultimately don't mean that much to you. You were friendly acquaintances once upon a time, but now you want to spend your weekends with the girls who have been with you through it all. To hell and back. And then back again.

 The majority of people I love the most I speak to every day--partially because I live with two of them, partially because I like to annoy a select few of them with random texts consisting of solely emojis, and partially because a girl's best friends aren't going to leave her alone ever (even when you sometimes maybe want them to!) But then I also have the best friends I talk to once in a while, but when we're together everything is the same.

It's these friendships that I value the most. The girls who have made the cut. A lot of us spend a fair majority of high school (and college, even) trying to figure out where we belong. Who will be the ones holding your hair back and letting you cry over everything and anything? Who will be the ones coming into your room on Sunday morning to go over the night before? Who will be the ones standing next to you on your wedding day? Who will be the ones that the boy who broke your heart is down right terrified of?

It's okay to make the cut. It's healthy for people to move on as they grow older. Every friendship we've ever had has taught us something special, and that's the point of some friendships. You acknowledge what this person taught you, and you go on with your life. But the girls who made the cut? There's a good chance that once they've made it, they'll stay there. Forever. And that's all that really matters in the end. We all know who said our best friends are our real soul mates, right?

xo

10 Things We All Experienced During The Bachelorette Finale

SPOILERS: DO NOT READ ON IF YOU HAVE NOT VIEWED THE FINALE.

I don't know about all you fellow #bachelorette viewers out there, but this season has got to be, hands down, my favorite. I honestly think Andi was one of the strongest women I've seen in the position of bachelorette, and I may or may not have cried when Josh finally got down on one knee and proposed! I know it's a show, but I actually firmly believe they're the real thing. And I am so happy for her! 

Chris Harrison didn't lie for once about this finale. I don't think any of us could have predicted everything that happened in those two hours. Andi sending Nick home before he could even propose was admirable, but holy s*it. My friend Sara and I were watching together, and both our mouths dropped. Needless to say, we were pleased with the finale and the season. OMG IT WAS SO GOOD YOU GUYS.

Oh my god, STAWP.

1. The obligatory "Holy-crap-we've-come-so-far-I-can't-believe-it's-already-the-finale-who-do-you-think-is-going-to-win" pre-finale freak out sesh with your gal-pal viewing party. Basically, if you're not in the "Who's going to win Andi's heart?" conversation, you're irrelevant.

2. "Oh my gosh, it's starting. Nobody speak." But there's always that one friend who doesn't ever shut up. Everyone but her is thinking:

3. The second Andi's dad blatantly says he'll be comparing Josh and Nick when Josh comes to meet the family you're like: "LIKE JOSH BETTER LIKE THE REST OF AMERICA YOU IDIOT." And then you can tell good ole Hy likes Josh better than nervous wreck, boring, Nick. That feeling once you realize Josh has won over not only Andi's heart, but her dad's? Victory, my friends. Nick is as good as gone now.

4. Throughout the whole episode Nick is acting like a pre-pubescent Cory Matthews. Except for it's not cute, it's creepy/extremely annoying.

Okay Nick, she smiled at you. I smile at a lot of guys, it doesn't translate into "OMG I'm in love with you." Jeezum.

5. Going off that, every time Nick opens his mouth you just want to be like:

SHUT UP AND STOP BEING SO EMOTIONAL. BE A MAN FOR PETE'S SAKE.

6. Then during a commercial break Chris Harrison ever so slyly suggested that Chris Soules might be the next Bachelor. Cue every girl in America squealing and jumping for joy. Cue every single one of your friends claiming him. But you can't help but laugh to yourself, because you're just like, "Lawlz, it's cute how they think they stand a chance. He's mine."

7. When Andi showed up at Nick's room to tell him when she woke up that morning that "something was off", every one pulled a Taylor Swift.

Is it finally happening? Is she sending Grumpy home?

She's done it! So long Nick. We all knew she was going to pick Josh because Chris Harrison told us at the beginning that the man she didn't choose basically stalks her. And only Nick would do that. Obvi. Here's a message from all of us:

Dear Nick,

Love, 

America

8. Josh proposes to Andi. It is the most rehearsed and well thought out proposal ever given on the show. Everybody cries because WHY DON'T WE HAVE BOYFRIENDS LIKE THAT? WHERE IS MY HUGE NEIL LANE ENGAGEMENT RING?!

9. By the time ATFR starts, you and your friends are all so emotionally exhausted and seriously questioning signing up for the next season of The Bachelor. You realize that you spent the past two hours stressed to the max about two people you have never met in your lives, and then to make matters worse, you realize that you spent the last ten minutes of The Bachelorette's season crying because you're so happy for these two people whom you actually DO. NOT. KNOW. You then realize you're semi-pathetic and turn to the only thing in the world that truly understands you (unless, you're like, in a happy relationship or something... in which case you're an anomaly.)

10. By the time the three hour debacle of a show finally wraps up at 11pm, you realize that you and all your friends are hammered and depressed. You've also chosen "Bottoms Up!" as your new group motto. Happy Monday.

xoxo

Damn Regret

I've been hearing a lot about exes lately. Not mine, but my friends. And I love being there for them, and I have my own things that I look back on and regret doing or saying. We all do. It's impossible not to. But the past few weeks especially I've noticed just how much regret gets in the way of our futures. We all fear it so much that we're consumed by it. But why?

Monday Inspiration: The Most Important Relationship You'll Ever Be In

Photo via Inslee

I will quote Carrie Bradshaw until the day I die. In all honesty, I think she's one of the smartest people on the planet. Fictional character though she may be, she had a ton of amazing advice for girls the world over!

"The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well that's just fabulous."

Now I've never had a serious relationship. What I've learned about guys has come from very short "flings" and one major crush. I've experienced immense heartbreak, just not at the hand of a guy (yet, anyways.) Truthfully, I think half the reason I've never been able to commit to someone is because I've spent so much time learning to love myself first.

A lot of "grown-ups" would say this is a good thing, that you have to love yourself first before you can fully commit to anyone. And I think they're right, but I also think that you have to go through good and bad relationships to learn more about yourself. I suppose that's where I fall short.

Love You, For You

It's kind of a funny thing because all my friends who are in relationships will turn to me for advice on what to do when they're having issues with their significant other. I have no idea why. I'm the most emotionally reserved person I know, I could literally go years without telling someone what's really on my mind. As a matter of fact, I have. And it sucked. I pride myself on knowing myself so well and on having taken the time to learn how to love myself, but in the process I made a lot of people my punching bags.

I think because I spent so much time focusing on myself I really missed some opportunities for good relationships. I'm extremely good at being selfish, to the point of it being my major downfall. But this is where I've looked to my friends. The girls who have been able to give themselves to someone completely; the girls who have put their hearts on what I would refer to as the chopping block.

They're the bravest girls I know.

A lot of my girlfriends have gone down many different paths. Some have chosen to weather the storm and work for their long-distance relationship, for others it hasn't worked out so well. Some have had their hearts broken on roller coaster romances that have lasted for years and years, and others are just finally settling into what looks like a promising relationship. I admire them. I see their strengths and how they've grown as they've come to recognize themselves as not an "I", but a "we." But being on the outside looking in has it's faults too.

While these girls are some of the most selfless people I know, selflessness can be both a blessing and a curse. I think a lot of people can lose themselves in their relationship. Men and women alike! And I'm not saying that any of my friends have. At least not from what I've noticed. But what worries me, is that if I were to enter into a relationship, if "I" were to become a "we", who would I be anymore?

I've heard of multiple girls that are my age who have become so lost in the process of looking for someone to make them happy. Their loneliness guides them to men who have no idea who they actually are, or worse, to men who just... don't care. There's nothing people fear more than being lonely. People tend to confuse relationships with completion rather than companionship.

The only relationship that's going to complete you though, is the relationship you have with yourself. I've seen girls say, "Well my boyfriend really likes this dress so I'm going to wear this one instead." Wear whatever freaking dress you want! It's great that you want to impress your boyfriend, but if you don't feel your 100% absolute best in the dress that he loves, then is it really the perfect fit?

It's so easy-- so so easy, to let the idea of love fuel the need to fill whatever void it is that your heart is nursing. But the idea of love isn't going to be the thing that completes you. Falling in love with the perfect man isn't going to be the thing that completes you. Falling in love with yourself though? Loving every single aspect of yourself? Flaws and all, without apology? That's going to be the thing that makes you whole in the end. 

The relationship you have with yourself is the hardest one you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding. Pushing yourself to expand your horizons, challenge your limits, and question your beliefs is what builds character. The fact that you get so incredibly worked up over sports events, or that you can't go to bed without the kitchen clean is what makes you you. And somebody is going to love those aspects of you one day SO much they won't know what to do with themselves. But they're never going to be able to love you as you are, if you don't love yourself first.

Love yourself. Be yourself. Challenge yourself. And when all else fails, imagine yourself as Blair. Because really, what girl loves herself more than fabulous Blair Waldorf?

xoxo

Monday Inspiration: Dress Yourself in Strength

So, you know how I was bummed on Friday? My poor mood was only made worse by the fact that my flight to Colorado was cancelled, changed, then cancelled again. And now I have to wait until the summer to make it out there. Trust me when I say I'm disappointed. Luckily for me, I have fabulous family here in Massachusetts and they have helped cheer me up tremendously over the weekend.

If there's one thing I've learned in the past week, it's that you can't control everything in life (sigh). I've come to accept this more so this year than ever. When it comes to how other people act and things like the weather, I've found you kind of just have to take a deep breath and roll with it. When life hands you lemons, you really just have to learn to make that lemonade.

Last Monday, after writing my New Year's post, I decided that I really and truly wanted to make 2014 my year. I even made a Pinterest board for inspiration... (follow it here!) As I was pinning pin upon pin, I realized just how many of my choices in life were driven by fear. The decision to not say how I'm feeling, to not go to that gym class because I'm terrified of embarrassing myself, to not take that hard class with that mean professor for fear that it'll tear me apart. 

Starting this blog was an absolutely terrifying experience. When I saw that even twenty people read my very first post about my trip to Europe, I teared up. And I felt so relieved. The part of me that always cared what people thought, the part of me that worried about those who would think, "Why did she start a blog? What could she have to say?", has slowly (and I mean slowly...) faded away-- post by post.

A few things have happened in my life that have made me feel like an unbelievably weak human being. The first two years of college were, in all honesty, horrible. My junior year is proving to be much different. I'm finally at a place where I'm not wasting my time on people who could care less about me, I'm not trying to nurse friendships that don't stand a chance, and I'm making my happiness my top priority.

When friends come to me for advice, almost always I can be quoted saying, "You're in your twenties, your life is just beginning. Do what you want to do and let everything else figure itself out." The problem with being in your twenties is that you second guess every move you make though, isn't it?

I'm just so sick of questioning myself. I love this quote about not requiring validation from anyone. Everyone is always telling me, "Enjoy your twenties, they'll fly by!" And after years of wishing year upon year away, I suppose it's time to take their advice. As depressing as it sounds, I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't feel like the weakest link. Nowadays, I've never been more confident in who I am and who I want to be. (And I can't tell you enough that when you start believing in yourself, everything else really does just fall into place!)

"Sky above me. Earth below me. Fire within me."

Growing up is hard. Being a teen is hard. High school, college, balancing friendships and relationships, good grief. Sometimes it's the worst! But you've got to dress yourself every day in strength. Designer jeans, that cashmere sweater from J. Crew, and Tory Burch riding boots might make for a great outfit, but it all means nothing if the woman who's wearing them isn't beautiful and strong from the inside out.

Go kick some butt this week ladies. Happy Monday!

xoxo

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