I will
quote Carrie Bradshaw until the day I die. In all honesty, I think she's one of the smartest people on the planet. Fictional character though she may be, she had a ton of amazing advice for girls the world over!
"The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well that's just fabulous."
Now I've never had a serious relationship. What I've learned about guys has come from very short "flings" and one major crush. I've experienced immense heartbreak, just not at the hand of a guy (yet, anyways.) Truthfully, I think half the reason I've never been able to commit to someone is because I've spent so much time learning to love myself first.
A lot of "grown-ups" would say this is a good thing, that you have to love yourself first before you can fully commit to anyone. And I think they're right, but I also think that you have to go through good and bad relationships to learn more about yourself. I suppose that's where I fall short.
Love You, For You
It's kind of a funny thing because all my friends who are in relationships will turn to me for advice on what to do when they're having issues with their significant other. I have no idea why. I'm the most emotionally reserved person I know, I could literally go years without telling someone what's really on my mind. As a matter of fact, I have. And it sucked. I pride myself on knowing myself so well and on having taken the time to learn how to love myself, but in the process I made a lot of people my punching bags.
I think because I spent so much time focusing on myself I really missed some opportunities for good relationships. I'm extremely good at being selfish, to the point of it being my major downfall. But this is where I've looked to my friends. The girls who have been able to give themselves to someone completely; the girls who have put their hearts on what I would refer to as the chopping block.
They're the bravest girls I know.
A lot of my girlfriends have gone down many different paths. Some have chosen to weather the storm and work for their long-distance relationship, for others it hasn't worked out so well. Some have had their hearts broken on roller coaster romances that have lasted for years and years, and others are just finally settling into what looks like a promising relationship. I admire them. I see their strengths and how they've grown as they've come to recognize themselves as not an "I", but a "we." But being on the outside looking in has it's faults too.
While these girls are some of the most selfless people I know, selflessness can be both a blessing and a curse. I think a lot of people can lose themselves in their relationship. Men and women alike! And I'm not saying that any of my friends have. At least not from what I've noticed. But what worries me, is that if I were to enter into a relationship, if "I" were to become a "we", who would I be anymore?
I've heard of multiple girls that are my age who have become so lost in the process of looking for someone to make them happy. Their loneliness guides them to men who have no idea who they actually are, or worse, to men who just... don't care. There's nothing people fear more than being lonely. People tend to confuse relationships with completion rather than companionship.
The only relationship that's going to complete you though, is the relationship you have with yourself. I've seen girls say, "Well my boyfriend really likes this dress so I'm going to wear this one instead." Wear whatever freaking dress you want! It's great that you want to impress your boyfriend, but if you don't feel your 100% absolute best in the dress that he loves, then is it really the perfect fit?
It's so easy-- so so easy, to let the idea of love fuel the need to fill whatever void it is that your heart is nursing. But the idea of love isn't going to be the thing that completes you. Falling in love with the perfect man isn't going to be the thing that completes you. Falling in love with yourself though? Loving every single aspect of yourself? Flaws and all, without apology? That's going to be the thing that makes you whole in the end.
The relationship you have with yourself is the hardest one you'll ever have, but it's also the most rewarding. Pushing yourself to expand your horizons, challenge your limits, and question your beliefs is what builds character. The fact that you get so incredibly worked up over sports events, or that you can't go to bed without the kitchen clean is what makes you
you. And somebody is going to love those aspects of you one day SO much they won't know what to do with themselves. But they're never going to be able to love you as you are, if you don't love yourself first.
Love yourself. Be yourself. Challenge yourself. And when all else fails, imagine yourself as Blair. Because really, what girl loves herself more than fabulous Blair Waldorf?
xoxo
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*all photos property of Inslee*
